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Hence it is advisable to read it slowly with intervals in between. Feb 28, Laura Perry rated it really liked it. I got this book for my husband, to give him a little self-help for anxiety and depression, but I ended up reading it myself. I learned a lot about family dynamics and now I understand more about how I was affected by the family I grew up in. The book is essentially a series of descriptions of the author's counseling patients and their family situations that ultimately led to depression. He uses his patients with the names changed, of course to illustrate the ways in which men in particular ten I got this book for my husband, to give him a little self-help for anxiety and depression, but I ended up reading it myself.

He uses his patients with the names changed, of course to illustrate the ways in which men in particular tend to internalize problems and end up being clinically depressed because of it. Personally, I think women do it, too, but I understand that men in our society are pressured to bottle up their emotions rather than sharing them the way women are 'allowed' to do. The author isn't always clear about exactly what we're supposed to learn from each example he portrays, so in some places the book reads more like a counselor's memoir than a self-help book.

But overall I did understand what he's trying to convey and found the examples helpful. It's nice to hear about real people's life situations rather than reading about some hypothetical person who has Condition A and tries Treatment B.


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Overall, I recommend the book to anyone who is dealing with dysfunctional family dynamics or has done so in the past and is experiencing depression. Apr 22, Ronald Wendling added it.

I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression by Terrence Real

This book has been around for a long time, but to me it remains as important as it was when first published. Depression in males is commonplace, and that has a lot to do with how we males are socialized. Even though there is plenty of evidence that baby boys are more responsive to their feelings even than girls, this vulnerability to feeling is still wiped out by what society expects males to be. The result of the suppression of feeling in males is well worth understanding because it has a lot to This book has been around for a long time, but to me it remains as important as it was when first published.

The result of the suppression of feeling in males is well worth understanding because it has a lot to do with domestic violence, which is the source of a lot of gun violence. Often male depression originates in an unremembered childhood trauma that so set the man against the vulnerable boy he really was that he is forever unable to have a normal relation with his true self.

Over time the effects of this descent can be life changing. It helps the invitee avoid the addiction that has been masking his depression and starts him on a new road to normal living. Feb 20, Laura rated it liked it Shelves: Real argues that covert male depression is more prevalent than our s In both books How Can I Get Through to You and I Don't Want to Talk About It , Terrence Real uses stories names and important details changed to protect the clients from his work with patients to explore the world of men's emotions.

Real argues that covert male depression is more prevalent than our society acknowledges. And I can agree with this. Ultimately Real argues that men will address their depression when they re-connect to humanity starting with their wives and families. In addition to using stories from patients, Real explores his family's history.

I found the sharing of his family story quite brave. For a while, I thought it was because of the book's premise and emphasis on couple's therapy. But I think this book suffers from repetition and covering too much territory. Jan 11, Richard Jespers rated it really liked it. Excellent book about male depression. Real explains so many things, not only about my own life, but in the entire masculine culture of our civilization: Real seems to fill in the blanks left by the inconclusive nature of my own traditional psychotherapy twenty-six years ago.

If we give credence to the research detaili Excellent book about male depression. If we give credence to the research detailing the centrality of affection in father-son relations and the relative irrelevance of the father's 'masculinity,' it beomces clear that boys don't hunger for fathers who will model traditional mores of masculinity. They hunger for fathers who will rescue them from it. They need fathers who have themselves emerged from the gauntlet of their own socialization with some degree of emotional intactness. Sons don't want their father's 'balls'; they want their hearts.

And, for many, the heart of a father is a difficult item to come by. Oftentimes, the lost boy the depressed son must recover is the one not he but his father has disavowed" Apr 07, Jesus Galindo rated it it was amazing. We inherit much more from our parents than we think. Our parents pass along their physical features, mannerisms, and ideas onto us; however, we also acquire their fears and pain from them. My fellow brothers - dealing with depression is tough.

Rod Stewart - I Don't Want To Talk About It (from One Night Only! Live at Royal Albert Hall)

However, we need to take care of ourselves if we wish to have long and prosperous lives. According to Terrence Real, Men are less likely to seek help when they are sick and tend not to comply with the treatment as well as women do. We will be better suited to accomplish our goals and support those we love when we stop neglecting our body's needs. Oct 14, Raleigh rated it it was amazing. Great content with personal narrative and client stories interwoven throughout text. Solid feminist companion literature that tackles the often-overlooked epidemic of male depression. The book distinguishes male and female depression and shares that they look different more because of societal norms and expectations than biological reasons.


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  8. Great for practical application. This was a decent read-- it really delved into how men handle depression differently that women. I enjoyed how the therapist was a family therapist and incorporated relationships into his therapy. What I was expecting though was a bit more guidance, maybe checklists, about how men handle depression differently, whereas this book was more case studies and personal experience.

    Dec 18, Mano Chil rated it it was amazing Shelves: In a few words in order to beat depression in men, men have to start relating with their wives or family members and have to take care of them and have them as top priority in their lives. Men can't shut themselves out, build a wall around themselves and not communicate if they want to control their depression. Jun 21, Curtis rated it it was amazing. This book is about what it is to be a Man that almost no one, anywhere is talking about.

    Even though this book is very well written, I found it hard to read at first. The more I read it the easier it gets, the more this foreign idea finds the truth in my life. Please, consider reading this for yourself, your family and your children.

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    Jan 20, Leah rated it really liked it Shelves: Very informative book about male depression and how men deal with depression different than women. A good read for men dealing with issues of anger, workaholism, or find problems connecting with others. Also a good read for anyone going into the psychology or counseling field to recieve another take on male depression and how it exhibits itself.

    Sep 06, Kalem Wright rated it really liked it Shelves: Although women lose enormous autonomy and privilege, men lose the capacity to authentically connect and instead search for self-esteem through performance, dabbling in process and substance addiction to nurse their pride when they fall short. Real argues that male socialization involves, in effect, severing anything seen as feminine, including the experience and expression of emotions.

    From devaluing the role women play in influencing their sons to crediting the role of sports culture in teaching how men behave, Real makes a compelling case for masculinity as an emotional disability with lifelong consequences unless treated. There are a few problems with the book and the argument as written, however much I support it personally and professionally. Real gives outsize credit to competition in the socialization of men, ignoring art, music, video games, and television, for example.

    Exploring these other domains would have provided more convincing evidence of his argument. At times, it seems more useful to read the works of Pia Mellody whom he is admittedly greatly influenced by. To his credit, Real is unafraid to ask readers to swim in the jargon of therapy and its possible even for laymen to understand many of the principles of trauma, depression, family-therapy, trance work, and addiction. This all ignores as well the lack of intersectionality in his work despite its basis in feminist scholarship.

    Like the men he treats, his work is at times hard to love but has tremendous potential to do good in the world. Wow, this book will move you. It certainly did me! He has absolutely widened my worldview in the most beneficial way. Terry truly breaks down how family legacy affects your life, current relationships, and your children, if you have them. That person brings peace to their ancestors and spares the children that follow. Nov 29, Michael rated it really liked it. The writer, a family therapist with family trauma in his background, examines the widespread problem of male depression and its effects as it is handed down from generation to generation.

    Reel makes extensive use of case histories and the events of his own life to make the point that the failure to recognize and treat depression in males leads to a lack of connection and can result in serious family trauma. He discusses the fact that gender-based stereotypes encourage men and boys to keep their The writer, a family therapist with family trauma in his background, examines the widespread problem of male depression and its effects as it is handed down from generation to generation. He discusses the fact that gender-based stereotypes encourage men and boys to keep their emotions hidden and to respond to family problems in inappropriate ways.

    There were many places where I stopped to wonder whether things that I had said or done unthinkingly had traumatized my own children. There is a good discussion about covert vs. It was their first British top ten hit and would remain their only one until , when the remix of " Missing " also peaked at number three. Tracey Thorn has said that Stewart had been regarded as "a heroic figure" in her home when she was growing up, and that her brother Keith owned the "albums with grimy-sounding titles like An Old Raincoat Won't Ever Let You Down , and Gasoline Alley ".

    She herself had "always liked Atlantic Crossing. Also, in , Arthur Conley , famous for his massive hit " Sweet Soul Music " sang his version live on Dutch television, Arthur had previously changed his name back to his birth name of Lee Roberts whilst living in Holland. From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. This article needs additional citations for verification.

    Please help improve this article by adding citations to reliable sources. Unsourced material may be challenged and removed. May Learn how and when to remove this template message. Guinness World Records Limited. The Sex Pistols take on charity track". Men reading I Don't Want to Talk About It will probably recognize themselves in every chapter, while women will recognize their partners--and, of course, both sexes will see their fathers in a new light.

    Men will recognize the other men found here: The only volume that speaks exclusively to and about depressed men. Would you like to tell us about a lower price?

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    If you are a seller for this product, would you like to suggest updates through seller support? And these escape attempts only hurt the people men love and pass their condition on to their children. Real reveals how men can unearth their pain, heal themselves, restore relationships, and break the legacy of abuse. He mixes penetrating analysis with compelling tales of his patients and even his own experiences with depression as the son of a violent, depressed father and the father of two young sons.

    Read more Read less. Add all three to Cart Add all three to List. Buy the selected items together This item: Ships from and sold by Amazon. The New Rules of Marriage: Customers who bought this item also bought. Page 1 of 1 Start over Page 1 of 1. Mistakes Were Made but Not by Me: Engineer Your Path to Joy. Adventures of a Curious Character.

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    Scribner; Reprint edition March 2, Language: Don't have a Kindle? Try the Kindle edition and experience these great reading features: Share your thoughts with other customers. Write a customer review. Read reviews that mention male depression want to talk terrence real covert depression case studies another strength read this book gender roles overt depression self-help books men and their families beginning with such concrete compared to the generalized concrete tasks created--the worries crutches are kicked dishes or carrying generalized pap grippingly realistic inevitable warning.

    Showing of reviews. Top Reviews Most recent Top Reviews. There was a problem filtering reviews right now. Please try again later. In terms of understanding covert depression, Terry is spot on. For any men raised in a difficult home this book is a treasure map for finding the reward of healing. Terry is a tad political and ventures down some paths, a little too far, to make a point but his insight and diagnosis are on point. If western medicine is on top of the male depression issue than why do men exceed women in suicide nearly 4 to 1?

    Why are there so many psychotic meds available from your doctor?